Hogwarts In Reverse
by Crazy Muffin
Summary: Voldermort has put a reverse spell on the castle and things have gone mad. Hilariously funny. please R


Hogwarts in Reverse  
  
It was around Christmastime in Hogwarts and Voldermort had an evil plan. Instead of trying to kill Harry (like he always fails at) he was going to make some mishap at Hogwarts School. He was going to reverse the attitudes of everyone at Hogwarts except Harry.  
  
Voldermort: ha ha ha it's the perfect plan. Harry will be so confused wont he Wormtail.  
  
Wormtail: ummmmmm yes master.  
  
(Voldermort hops on his broom and flies to Hogwarts)  
  
Voldermort: rettop tub enoyreve esrever (reverse everyone but potter)  
  
(At Hogwarts in the morning)  
  
Harry: good morning Ron.  
  
Ron: wonderful morning Harry. I can't wait to get to breakfast and eat lots of healthy foods to make me big and strong.  
  
Harry: uhhhhhhhhhhh. Ron are you okay?  
  
Ron: just fine Harry! Come on lets go.  
  
(Hermione is waiting for them downstairs. She is dressed in ripped jeans and a belly shirt with a leather jacket. She's chewing gum and her hair is straight and she is loaded with makeup)  
  
Harry: HERMIONE!!! What happened to you!  
  
Hermione: cut it loser. I'm ditching class. You guys in?  
  
Ron: terribly sorry but I'm looking forward so much to defense against dark arts class and potions. They are my favorite classes. I can't miss them for the world.  
  
Harry: what the hell is wrong with you people! I'm out of here!  
  
Harry leaves and starts for the dining hall. On the way he bumps into Draco Malfoy.  
  
Draco Malfoy: Harry! How are you doing? You know what would be fun? If you and me stopped by the quidditch field later for some seeker practice. See you there BEST FRIEND!  
  
Harry: OKAY THAT'S IT WHAT THE HELL DID I MISS HERE!!!  
  
(Hermione who was painting her nails looked up)  
  
Hermione: you didn't miss shit sucker. Hogwarts is the same boring place it's always been.  
  
Harry: YOU KNOW THIS IS JUST GETTING CREEPY! I'M AM SO OUT OF HERE!  
  
Harry went into the dining hall and sat down at the gryffindor table. Fred and George were sitting there reading books and doing homework. And Percy was sitting next to them looking like a male version of Hermione! Puzzled, Harry sat down.  
  
Percy: Yo Harry wazzup bro. (Percy looked Drunk! Dead Drunk.) By now Harry was convinced that everyone at Hogwarts had gone mad. After breakfast Harry headed down to Defense Against Dark Arts class and sat down. Gilroy Lockhart slumped in looking miserable as he plopped himself into his chair and started talking in a dronish voice.  
  
Lockhart: Good Morning class. Today we are going to study the book "My Pointless, Unsuccessful, Lame Life" by me, Gilroy Lockhart.  
  
Now this really confused Harry. I mean Hermione was a punk, Ron was happy and cheerful, Draco Malfoy wanted to be his best friend, and Lockhart was DEPRESSED! After a very boring class he headed for Potions class feeling very strange and sat down in class. Snape walked in wearing a pink and yellow dress with flowers on it!!! And he was wearing a blue hat and was carrying a bouquet of Lilies!!!! Harry sat there in utter amazement!  
  
Snape in a happy, cheerful voice: Well good afternoon class! Today we will learn a love potion! Now isn't that just exciting! (He looked at Harry). Won't it be fun my most favorite student!  
  
Harry: I'm you favorite student?  
  
Snape: Why of coarse my flowery blossom! Now on with the love potion.  
  
Things were definitely way out of hand. Everyone in Hogwarts including the teachers were acting practically the opposite of the way they acted. Harry still had Herbology class to go before Dinner. He headed for the greenhouse and sat down. Professor Sprout entered (luckily) looking just like she always did. (But never judge a book by its cover). Sprout: NOW!! As you all know this class is based on how to kill and destruct those wretched things called plants! Today we will learn how to use peroxide to wilt a Water Lily! I hate Water Lilys! I HATE ALL PLANTS!!!!! PLANTS ARE THE MOST USELESS THINGS ON EARTH! And there a mega pain in the ass too!! Now on with the lesson!  
  
Harry was starting to realize what was happening. Everyone at Hogwarts had reversed their personality. Someone must of set a spell on the castle! But why didn't it affect him? He was still the same. Harry decided to head to Dumbledore's office. On the way he bumped into Filch. When he saw filch he almost fainted. Filch was dressed like Snow white with animals such as Deer, rabbits, and chipmunks following him with dusters and brooms. He was cleaning everything in site.  
  
Filch: OH why hello Harry! Make as much mess as you like! I don't care. Because I love to Clean Clean Clean!!  
  
Harry started to walk even quicker to dumbledore's office. He got to the entrance and shouted "LEMONDROP" and the entrance opened. Dumbledore was sitting at his desk dressed in a shirt and overalls playing with a paddleball set with a stupid look on his face.  
  
Harry: Uh. Mr.Dumbledore sir? (Dumbledore looked up)  
  
Dumbledore: duh. what do you want person.  
  
Harry: Well, everyone at Hogwarts is acting very strange. I fear someone might have set a reverse spell on the castle.  
  
(Dumbledore who was playing with a rubix cube looked up) Dumbledore: You look smart. How do you work these funny cube things? Oh and want a Lemon Drop. I hate them.  
  
Harry: Professor Dumbledore please listen to me! Something is seriously wrong around here.  
  
Dumbledore wasn't paying any attention. He was playing with a little toy plastic lamb.  
  
Dumbledore: Mary had a little lamb little lamb little lamb.HEY! How come Mary gets a lamb? I want a lamb!! Albus had a little lamb little lamb little lamb. Screw Mary! Right little lamb. (He looks and smiles at lamb)  
  
(Harry lifts one eyebrow)  
  
Harry: Okay then. It seems you are hopeless too! Bye Dumbledore.  
  
Dumbledore still wasn't paying any attention. He was just playing with the lamb singing, "Albus had a little lamb"  
  
Harry wondered if whatever was going on affected ghosts. So he headed for Moaning Myrtle's Bathroom. When he entered Moaning Myrtle wasn't there. He turned around to leave and there she was.  
  
Harry: MYRTLE? What are you doing out of your toilet?  
  
Myrtle: I'm tired of sitting around in that old toilet. I want to see PARIS!!!  
  
Then peeves came crashing in.  
  
Peeves: Why hello Potter one of my favorite students and Myrtle your looking fabulous. Ready for our date Myrtle? I'm taking you to Paris!! Just you and I darling!  
  
Harry: I can't believe this! Who would set a reverse spell on the castle?  
  
Harry thought for a minute then one named popped In his head. VOLDERMORT! He must have done this! But why? He had to find out!  
  
Meanwhile at Voldermort's Evil Lair  
  
(Voldermort is modeling a pink mini skirt with black tights and a belly shirt in the mirror singing.)  
  
Voldermort: I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt so sexy it hurts! Right Wormtail?  
  
(Wormtail who was trying not to look answered)  
  
Wormtail: ummmmmm yes master.  
  
Voldermort: I wonder how confused Harry is?  
  
Just then Harry burst in! Harry's jaw dropped when he saw Voldermort dressed in the skirt and belly shirt.  
  
Harry: What the hell is wrong with you. First of all, why are you dressed like a woman and second of all, WHY DID YOU PUT A REVERSE SPELL ON HOGWARTS!!!  
  
Voldermort: First of all I like these clothes and second of all I have always failed killing you so I decided to play a joke and confuse and surprise you. (Gives an evil grin) bwahahaha! (Harry pulls out his wand)  
  
Harry: Prepare to fight!  
  
Voldermort: you can't be serious? Oh well. (Points his wand at Harry) BURPURTIOUS!  
  
Harry immediately starts to burp up slugs.  
  
Harry: you'll (burp) have to (burp) do (burp) better (burp) then that (burp). POOPIOUS PANTIUS!!  
  
Voldermort starts to shoot poop everywhere  
  
Voldermort: You've gone far enough!!!!. AVEDA KENDAVERA!!!  
  
The spell hit Harry and he fell to the ground DEAD!!!  
  
Voldermort: Finally success in killing Potter!!!! Now I can go on with my plans to control the world and start my own women's line of clothing!!! Bwahahahahaha!!!  
  
The next morning in the Gryffindor  
  
  
  
Harry wakes up screaming  
  
Harry: Thank god! It was all a dream.  
  
He heads downstairs and Hermione and Ron are standing there waiting for them. Hermione is dressed in the ripped clothes, makeup and leather jacket. And Ron is clean and happy and smiling with his chess set in the garbage next to him!  
  
Harry: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! 


End file.
